I have wanted to have my say on the whole weight debate for so long, but I’ve never felt eloquent enough to say my piece the way I would want it to be said, but now I am just talking from the emotion that’s built up in me. Over the last few days, it has been at the forefront of my mind, due to a throw away comment I received recently. A comment that wasn’t mean to be derogatory or a put down in any way. An honest and naive comment, that was part of a drunken conversation, with an acquaintance. “You’re a very pretty girl, but you’re overweight”. A comment that on the face of it wasn’t a very nice thing to say to a “lady”. But it was really just a statement of observation, not a particularly nice observation but the truth hurts right!?
Thing is, that sentence is made up of two very different statements, one positive, and one negative. And which is the one do you think has been running through my mind, over and over again since the moment he said it!? Of course you guessed it, the negative. After a day of feeding the negative and letting it play on my insecurities, I decided he was right and to do something about it. This morning I posted a photo of the healthy baked avocado and eggs breakfast with a statement about this comment. It has got to be one of my most commented on posts ever with words of support, anger and praise for eating clean. Thank you to everyone who told me I was beautiful, and thanks for sticking up for me. I know if everyone of you had have been there, you’d have probably slapped him.
But here’s my threepence on the weight debate. You have the so called media apparently brain washing us that being skinny is the “right” way to be. You have the anti-media telling us that the media are brain washing us to thinking skinny is the “right” way to be, and that you don’t have to listen to them. You have people telling you be who you wana be, don’t listen to them. You have people saying you shouldn’t feel pressured to diet, and you have those that promote a healthy lifestyle and say that is the “right” thing to do/be.
All I know is I couldn’t fit in them jeans at the weekend and I can’t pull of the style I want to pull off because my ass it too fat! How is one to know how I am supposed to feel. I feel bad because I don’t look like *insert body idol here* (mine may or *may* not be Holly from Geordie Shore #sorrynotsorry #butsheusedtobemysizeandnowshestotallyhot) I feel guilty for feeling like I want to loose weight and I feel sad I can’t look the way I want to look (in terms of style). It’s a confusing world out there.
It’s not like I let all theses feels get me down on a day to day basis. I am what I am and mostly I deal with my choices. I like drinking cider and eating junk food, I never have lived a healthy lifestyle, I like carbs man! Healthy eating wasn’t top priority as a kid, any food was a bonus and as a consequence I have struggled with my weight over the years. I put on a lot of weight at around 17/18 and was a size 16 for a few years, until I lost it all and got back down to a size 10/12 at around age 21/22. Over the last three or four years it has slowly crept back on and over the last year I have been around 13st give or take half a stone, and a size 14/16.
I have learned to wear what suits my size and my body shape. I don’t kid myself and think I can get away with things that a slimmer person could. I tend to stick to skirts which nip in around my waist – on the plus side I have a 32″ waist which technically is a size 12 I think. I watched a lot of Gok Wan back in the naughties (/nineties!?) and I know how to work my size. Which is why it hasn’t really bothered me up until now. I guess it is since I have been blogging and doing more outfit posts. I want to be able to get more creative with my looks and not always wear skirts all the time, but when you have to go up to a size 16 to find jeans to fit over your legs and thighs and then its super baggy around your waist, it’s hard to find the styles to fit. And also, I may feel confident in the clothes that I know I can wear and feel good in, but that doesn’t help me at the end of the day when I can’t hide under my clothes any more.
So, in conclusion (! – Sorry it’s been a super long post!) I want to lose weight, for me. Not because anyone else tells me I should, or that I shouldn’t. But because I know I can look (in my opinion) “better”. I know I can loose the weight, I have done it before and I’ll do it again, I just needed a trigger. The first time around it was being depressed and fed with my stretch marks on my inner thighs. This time, it’s that comment. Hopefully in a few months I can thank him!