The Weight Debate In my Opinion

I have wanted to have my say on the whole weight debate for so long, but I’ve never felt eloquent enough to say my piece the way I would want it to be said, but now I am just talking from the emotion that’s built up in me. Over the last few days, it has been at the forefront of my mind, due to a throw away comment I received recently. A comment that wasn’t mean to be derogatory or a put down in any way. An honest and naive comment, that was part of a drunken conversation, with an acquaintance. “You’re a very pretty girl, but you’re overweight”. A comment that on the face of it wasn’t a very nice thing to say to a “lady”. But it was really just a statement of observation, not a particularly nice observation but the truth hurts right!?

Thing is, that sentence is made up of two very different statements, one positive, and one negative. And which is the one do you think has been running through my mind, over and over again since the moment he said it!? Of course you guessed it, the negative. After a day of feeding the negative and letting it play on my insecurities, I decided he was right and to do something about it. This morning I posted a photo of the healthy baked avocado and eggs breakfast with a statement about this comment. It has got to be one of my most commented on posts ever with words of support, anger and praise for eating clean. Thank you to everyone who told me I was beautiful, and thanks for sticking up for me. I know if everyone of you had have been there, you’d have probably slapped him.

But here’s my threepence on the weight debate. You have the so called media apparently brain washing us that being skinny is the “right” way to be. You have the anti-media telling us that the media are brain washing us to thinking skinny is the “right” way to be, and that you don’t have to listen to them. You have people telling you be who you wana be, don’t listen to them. You have people saying you shouldn’t feel pressured to diet, and you have those that promote a healthy lifestyle and say that is the “right” thing to do/be.

All I know is I couldn’t fit in them jeans at the weekend and I can’t pull of the style I want to pull off because my ass it too fat! How is one to know how I am supposed to feel. I feel bad because I don’t look like *insert body idol here* (mine may or *may* not be Holly from Geordie Shore #sorrynotsorry #butsheusedtobemysizeandnowshestotallyhot) I feel guilty for feeling like I want to loose weight and I feel sad I can’t look the way I want to look (in terms of style). It’s a confusing world out there.

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It’s not like I let all theses feels get me down on a day to day basis. I am what I am and mostly I deal with my choices. I like drinking cider and eating junk food, I never have lived a healthy lifestyle, I like carbs man! Healthy eating wasn’t top priority as a kid, any food was a bonus and as a consequence I have struggled with my weight over the years. I put on a lot of weight at around 17/18 and was a size 16 for a few years, until I lost it all and got back down to a size 10/12 at around age 21/22. Over the last three or four years it has slowly crept back on and over the last year I have been around 13st give or take half a stone, and a size 14/16.

I have learned to wear what suits my size and my body shape. I don’t kid myself and think I can get away with things that a slimmer person could. I tend to stick to skirts which nip in around my waist – on the plus side I have a 32″ waist which technically is a size 12 I think. I watched a lot of Gok Wan back in the naughties (/nineties!?) and I know how to work my size. Which is why it hasn’t really bothered me up until now. I guess it is since I have been blogging and doing more outfit posts. I want to be able to get more creative with my looks and not always wear skirts all the time, but when you have to go up to a size 16 to find jeans to fit over your legs and thighs and then its super baggy around your waist, it’s hard to find the styles to fit. And also, I may feel confident in the clothes that I know I can wear and feel good in, but that doesn’t help me at the end of the day when I can’t hide under my clothes any more.

So, in conclusion (! – Sorry it’s been a super long post!) I want to lose weight, for me. Not because anyone else tells me I should, or that I shouldn’t. But because I know I can look (in my opinion) “better”. I know I can loose the weight, I have done it before and I’ll do it again, I just needed a trigger. The first time around it was being depressed and fed with my stretch marks on my inner thighs. This time, it’s that comment. Hopefully in a few months I can thank him!

 

Emily

x

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12 Comments

  1. What a disappointing and entirely bullshit post. Jeans don’t fit you, not because you’re a size 16, but because you have a big ass and little waist. This is a problem that will continue until you manage to change your shape, because mass-produce clothes don’t fit actual bodies. So fucking get a tailor and put some darts in the waist of your jeans and recognize there is nothing wrong with you and you don’t look bad. Or being a total idiot about fashion and body type and spew this utter bullshit all over the place. Good luck trying to be something other than you are. I wish you complete and utter failure so you learn about reality.

    • Not everyone feels comfortable being above or below a certain size and not content in themselves, I feel that there’s no harm in changing that to feel happier in yourself, so long as yourself is the only one you’re out to please.
      There is also nothing wrong with healthy eating, in fact it should be encouraged due to all the alien chemicals packed into processed foods and the unknown of what these chemicals are actually doing to our precious bodies (personally I think they are involved in the increased number of people contracting diseases. Chemicals should be used for cleaning, not for consumption).

      So Emily you beautiful mermy, if you want to clean eat (which I personally love) and you want to feel a little more comfortable in your skin & reap the benefits of living a healthier life, then go forth and avocado!!!

      Big love.Xxx

      P.S check my Pinterest for some clean eat recipes etcetera…

      • Hey babe, thanks for commenting xx I do just want to change my bad eating habits so I can eat clean and not keep going on eating and eating like a gluten, and getting bigger and bigger. Yes I want to lose weight, for me but mostly I just want to maintain a healthier lifestyle that comes naturally to me. I’m always on pinterest looking at menu ideas and smoothie recipes, I’ve been told Food Gawker is also good which is on my to do list to look at! xxx

  2. This post makes me kinda sad. Not because you’re losing weight, I think if you feel like you need/ want to then I’m all for that, but because of the fact that that dude’s mindless comment made you feel so bad. If someone said that you me I would have a VERY harsh comeback believe me. You are gorgeous and lovely and kind and sweet, and none of that has anything to do with your body shape or size.

    And PS Fenn, Oh do fuck off, that’s is literally the least helpful comment ever.

    • Oh Kat, I wish I was quick witted enough to have come up with the comeback he deserved at the time, but I think I was in shock tbh!

  3. I say do whatever makes you feel happy and confident. It’s about you and how you feel about yourself. It’s not like you are trying to be someone you are not because you have previously been a certain weight/size and you obviously know that you want to be there again. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. There’s a whole movement online happening about feeling good in your own skin. That’s fine… if you are. But I don’t think anyone should feel ashamed or guilty for wanting to change and wanting to lose weight. So long as it is healthy to do so. Just as anyone who doesn’t shouldn’t either.

    I think you are beautiful as you are. I was a little shocked to read the comment about you being overweight because I don’t think you are at all. I know where you are coming from though. I have been almost a stone heavier than I am now. It didn’t make me overweight, but my clothes didn’t fit as well and I just didn’t feel as confident about myself. I didn’t actually set out to lose weight, it just kind of happened (through diet changes for health reasons) but I’m happier for it. I’m back to a weight I naturally have always been apart from the short while I was heavier. I feel more ‘me’ again.

    Do what makes you happy… that’s what I say!

    • Thanks Donna, very well put. You know when your just bigger than you’ve been in the past and the difference in the feeling that gives you. I’m probably medically borderline “overweight” and actually I can deal with that, but I don’t just want to deal, and I also don’t want to continue on the same path and just end up bigger and bigger. I want to be proud of my body and I’m not right now really. In clothes, I feel like I look good and can work my style well, but i’m hiding under my clothes (and some well posed photos!) but that doesn’t help me when I’m naked – then theres no where to hide!

  4. Hi Emily,
    I suffered a serious trauma early in 2014 and began comfort eating-and put on about 15-20 lbs. I went up a size (from UK 10 to UK 12) so I empathize with your post.

    My only concern is that you started due to the nasty comment of one obnoxious male. This man is not your friend, family member or boyfriend. His comments (as far as I am concerned) are unimportant. Your opinion of yourself needs to be independent of the praise and affirmation that strangers give. At the end of the day, who gives a sh*t what this guy thinks??

    However, if you are using this comment as a springboard to make a change that you have been looking to make for a while, then I see that as something different for a while. I believe in cleaning up your diet and eating for health/to make you feel well is an excellent idea. But are you doing this for you, or because of what others think?

    As someone who was completely paleo for 2 1/2 years (and fell off the wagon-I’d say I’m 80/20 now), I’d say…the only problem with extreme diets is that they are a nightmare to keep up. They are so restrictive that whenever you indulge in said ‘bad food’ (gluten/dairy/whatever), you feel like sh*t. At least, I would and I’d tend to binge, because ‘I already ate something bad, who cares?’ Then I’d feel even worse. While I am not losing the amount of weight that I did before (80/20 paleo now), I feel a lot more balanced and happier. I don’t have to feel bad or like there are no options for me when I eat out. I am very happy with a bit more relaxed paleo lifestyle, and feel it suits my life better.

    Don’t forget to include exercise into your regimen. A clean diet is absolutely the most important step, but exercise really changes your shape. I’ve noticed weight redistribution since I (seriously) returned to sports 4 months ago.

    Good luck and I support you! Just whatever you do, do it for YOU and your own happiness. Not this random, anonymous jerk!

    (I highly recommend the blogilates FB page/site-she has amazing, quick workouts you can do at home. Also 12 minute athlete).
    Feel free to FB me or email me if you want to chat or provide a support system. I’m in the same weight loss boat now. It’s not easy!

    I also recommend having a positive body icon. Someone who beat their demons with food/weight, and is living a healthy lifestyle at a health weight, whose habits you’d like to emulate. I have mine and I’m VERY happy I do. She was severely overweight and now she is healthy and strong, and definitely not a waif.

    Much love!
    -Vanessa

  5. Hi Emily! I have been reading your blog for a few months now (so sad I didn’t find it sooner!) and I have been so inspired by your style posts and your general sweet, fun personality. I have struggled with weight my whole life and in the past few years have come down to a size I’m happier with by clean eating and learning to have better habits – which has been so awesome because there’s some really good clean eating recipes :)

    Anyway, all of this is to say that I totally understand what that comment felt like (been there, heard that) and I totally understand what it feels like to decide to do something for yourself because of it. I think you are awesome and I think it’s just so great you share yourself with all of us like this. You are great and I wish nothing but happiness for you!!

  6. hey Emily, I so sorry you had to sit there and listen to his ‘helpful’ comments… A guy like that who ‘offers’ his opinion really needs to learn to shut the fuck up and probably needs some serious lessons in life in how to talk to women. The thing is, I have felt the same about myself. Ive had two very beautiful kids and my body has completely changed… I have what I like to call them ‘war wounds’ but I honour them as it’s what my kids gave me, however since being pregnant my clothes don’t look the same on, I lost my identity a little and was racked with self loathing. Earlier this year I was invited to take part in a boudoir shoot by three amazing women photographers and my first react was the run a 100 miles away… But I thought fuck it, I’m going to test myself and learn to love this new body of mine. And it did just that. It was highly empowering, not smutty or overtly sexualised in anyway. Do you know what… I don’t look bad naked! I can forgive myself a little and instead of knocking back my husbands compliments, I’ve learnt to accept them. I just think diets are just fades. Learn to cook from fresh, eat your 5 a day, drink tons of water and go for a regular run/walk as it helps clear your mind set and helps with depression…. Perhaps you should learn to love your body again. Get naked. Say positive things and don’t focus on the negative. Even photograph yourself naked or get someone to do it for you… It’s so liberating!! And if you need someone to hold your hand I’ll come along as I wouldn’t thing twice about an experience like that!! Sending positive vibes your way ️xxx

  7. Hi Emiily
    Firstly like everyone else I need to say “What a dickhead” I’m surprised your drink remained in your glass!

    If you want to eat clean then do it, I use Pinterest to get loads of ideas and eating clean has made me feel healthier and have loads more positive energy (be careful if you drink though, I fell over after 2 without so much stodge to soak it up lol)
    That said you are a beautiful intelligent and confident girl. I love your posts and got my 15 yr old daughter to follow you as I thought you were a great example of an independent stylish mermaid!
    Keep doing what you do, how you want to do it. Because tbh you rock! Xx

    • Shucks, awe thanks so much sweetheart! #nopressure lol I love pinterest for healthy recipes and I have recently started watching thebodycoach on instagram and he has some healthy super quick insta video recipes, although you have to watch it over and over to get the ingredients down!
      Thanks so much for your kind words xxx

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